From: Janet

I loved The Blue Place and Stay, the only two I've read so far. Please, please, don't use the word "swang" anymore.

No, I don't think I will. At least in fiction. I'll continue to use it in everyday speech. For all my reasons why, see comments I posted here on 2 July, 2002, 13 July, 2002, and 15 June, 2002. Oh, the grief I've had over this one.

I still believe that, technically, it was right for me to use "swang" but the thing about fiction is that it doesn't matter what's right or wrong, what matters is what serves the story. In that sense, I was wrong. I should have stuck to more common usage to prevent the reader from getting popped out of that luscious suspension of disbelief that's necessary for the fiction experience. Oh, well, lessons learnt, etc. etc. (That's another thing. I've had complaints about my use of spelt and dreamt and learnt instead of spelled and dreamed and learned. But not enough to convince I'm wrong. Yet.)

From: Prairie (Pwells2@nycap.rr.com)

Thank you for your thoughtful and engaging work! I am writing because it says on your site that if enough people _beg_ that you'll post other short work in a palm-readable format...

When I finished Stay I was immobilized, your ability to express the nature of grief astounded me, it has always felt like such a personal experience and I never expected someone else to shine light on that darkness. Thank you for that.

I take it, then, that you've known grief. It's a terrible thing. Until my little sister, Helena, died sixteen years ago I had no idea it could be so huge. Grief really does change everything.

What's interesting to me is how different grief is--not just for each individual, but each time we feel it. The grief I felt when Helena died was massive, overwhelming, shocking, like a tidal wave. Three weeks after her death I was incapable of functioning in the real world. The grief I felt after my older sister, Carolyn, died was different. Perhaps because I'd been expecting it for a long time, perhaps because I thought I knew how it would go. This time I encysted the grief deep down: walled it up and walked around it quietly. The grief seeped through the walls gradually. I survived.

I've talked before in essays and interviews about trying to write fiction around a real-life experience (see, for example, "Doing the Work" or the Nan Talese interview). It wasn't easy. I'm delighted that you think it worked.

If you want to read more of my short fiction, I now have three pieces, including the novella "Yaguara," available nowhere else, available in that most versatile of cross-platform formats, print. My mini-collection, With Her Body, is available from Aqueduct Press, a new Seattle small press. I'm donating all my author proceeds to the MSA (Multiple Sclerosis Association of King County) so that they can continue to fund their special yoga programmes. To quote the press release, "The MSA is unique,” writes Griffith. “It offers yoga and hydrotherapy classes which are specifically designed for people with MS. These classes aren't just about therapy, they're about taking joy in the body, even one that's not perfect. I want to share that joy—-just as I try to in my work." This small book costs only $8. If you buy from the publisher (who are friends of mine, and trustworthy), I will sign and personalise the books to your specification. Every dollar you spend will help change someone's life. The holidays are coming. Buy five. Hand them out to your friends...

From: Carol B.

After much thought of who could possibly play Aud, I vote for Christina Cox. She's gorgeous in that healthy, blonde, athletic way. She can act. She's not afraid of getting stereotyped with lesbian roles. She's built like a goddess. What do you think, Nicola?

I also like the idea of Cameron Diaz, but I think she's too skinny.

Well, I'd never heard of Christina Cox, so I went and looked up her website, and realised that although I didn't know her name, I knew her face. (She was in Better Than Chocolate, a light-hearted Canadian lesbian film.) Anyway, I scrummed through her site and think that, looks-wise, she could certainly play Aud. I don't know how she moves, though, which is the all-important factor. I'll just have to rent The Chronicles of Riddick on DVD and take a look.

Cameron Diaz? Nope. I wouldn't be able to see past that mental image of her in Charlie's Angels, dancing around in her underoos.

From: Rebecca (swartzrj@hotmail.com)

Well, it would appear I am a little late in joining this little corner of the world which is yours...but better late than never. I only just stumbled across your book The Blue Place a month ago (came across a review for it in the book section-which I didn't know existed-at afterellen.com. There are a lot of books reviewed there, but that blue cover stood out instantly, that and the title, though I'm not certain why the title grabbed me...anyway, then I read the first line of the review, something to the effect of 'it's not often that a book will resonate within you long after you've finished reading it...' and that got my attention, so I read the review, it was fair and open, gave nothing away, and I thought, Okay, now I WANT this book. I ended up having to order it and waiting two weeks...it was well worth the wait.

I wasn't going to write this letter (or ask any questions) until after I'd read STAY...which I've since ordered (I finished TBP in something like 6 hours...jesus, what a read!!) And once I read STAY I will write you again, if I may. This letter is kind of a way for me to feel my way around, decide what I want to say and how. I'm always very careful in that respect, I don't want to come off sounding like a complete idiot. I can live with sounding like a partial one.*wink*

Also, I didn't want to ask something someone else already had and so I had to peruse the archives (no small feat, let me tell you, though I didn't read ALL of them, just most). Alright, so, enough babbling...I want to tell you I have never read a book like The Blue Place (and I've read a lot of books)...I've never felt like that, either during or after reading any book...you're an incredible writer, and the words you put to paper are like...food. I just ate them up...and was still terribly hungry for more(I was grateful to find your short stories here). And though the ending left me devastated, and I cried and was affected for days (which also has never happened to me after reading a book, not to that extent)I never felt cheated or ripped off...I felt you did the whole story justice, and that you will continue to do so.

Oh, and as an aside here, not only did I mispronounce Aud's name throughout the whole book (I thought it was short for something like Audrey, so was pronouncing it "odd". I had to PRACTICE the right pronounciation!) I just discovered yesterday I've been mispronouncing YOUR name...how smooth am I?! I'm usually pretty good with names, but I really sucked this time around.

Alright, so...I do have a question, just one, this time around...it's a simple one *grin*...You've referred to your edits as 'outtakes' which I thought was incredible and hilarious, because I thought I was the only one who referred to edits in such a way. My question is, when you are editing, do you keep everything you cut out? If you do, how...that is, do you store them, are they on paper? (do you write in longhand? question within a question, sorry) This is actually, or could be, a very involved topic, I think...but I'll leave it at that for now, cause this is getting really long.

Oh, wait...apropos of absolutely nothing...how tall are you?

Okay, that's it...I'm done like dinner. Thanks for the opportunity to chat, your website is amazing...and I hope this letter finds you and Kelley in good health and good spirits...you ROCK!

Okay, for those who don't know and don't have the tenacity to plough through the Ask Nicola archives, my name is pronounced NICK-uh-luh. Aud's name rhymes with proud, or bloody-but-unbowed, or cloud.

Do I keep everything I cut out? No. Sometimes I hang onto chunks in case I change my mind and want to stick them back in later. Sometimes I keep a chunk just because I can't bear to get rid of it. I have a whole chapter that won't appear in the new Aud book because, although it was fun to write and, I suspect, would be fun to read (can you spell sex?), on second thought I realised I'd taken a wrong turning: Aud wouldn't do what she did in that chapter. The Aud of The Blue Place probably would, but not the Aud of this third novel. She's changed. It was all very disappointing because I'd really enjoyed writing that bit. (Can you spell S-E-X?)

Mostly, though, once the book is pretty much set, I jettison all the extra bits. If they don't fit the book, they don't fit the book. And they're usually so particular that there's no way I could lever them into some other work. I am seriously considering posting that chapter here on the website once the book's out, though.

I am five feet five and half inches tall. Or I was twenty years ago when that extra half inch really mattered to me. Now? No idea. People have a tendency to start shrinking once they hit their mid-thirties. So here's my question in return: was this just idle curiosity (nothing wrong with that), or is it linked to notions of author height compared to character height? (Nothing wrong with that, either. I'm just interested.)

From: Laura

Has anyone suggested Lucy Lawless for Aud yet? She is a natural blonde I believe. Also, how do you like the works of Emma Donoghue and Jeannette Winterson?

Lots of people have suggested Lawless. Her acting--at least what I've seen in Xena:WP--is a bit broad for my tastes, though, and I would want whoever played Aud to move better than Lawless does. But perhaps that would be a function of the stunt actor, and the directorial choices. I honestly don't know enough about film to say.

I've just finished Donoghue's SLAMMERKIN and found it disappointing. Oh, she can certainly write, and she definitely knows her historical period, but I reached the end of the novel and just didn't see the point. We begin knowing all will end badly and, lo, all ends badly. We don't really learn anything about anything. And there's very little joy in the book. It felt just a tad too subterranean for me. As for Winterson, I think she's an erratic writer. She's incredibly brave (brave in the same way Ali Smith is: I loved Smith's last collection, THE WHOLE STORY AND OTHER STORIES) but occasionally self-indulgent. I admire ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT tremendously--liked it, too--but have found many of her other novels rather manipulative.

From: anonymous

The University of California San Diego is conducting a study of the relationship between testosterone and MS, by supplying male subjects with testosterone supplements. There's a number of reasons to believe that testosterone levels in people with MS are lower than the general population. It's something I've looked into because I have a sister and a former girlfriend who have MS and they've both found that supplementing their diets with Tribulus Terrestris is very helpful. It boosts their test levels without messing up their hormonal balances. Testosterone is the hormone most associated with epidural healing and appears to expedite relamination of myelin.

Just thought I'd let know. Good luck, and thanks for the books. They're brilliant.

Thanks for the info. I've been thinking a lot about drugs, and about dietary supplements, lately. There's so much I could/should be doing for myself that I'm not--but the same is true of everyone, I think. There's isn't enough time in the world to research and experiment with everything that comes along that someone says works.

But I know hormones have a huge impact on my health. Every month my MS symptoms wax and wane like clockwork. I've seen a new friend of mine, who has MS, start using birth control pills and go from convulsing on the floor to walking around with a very slight limp. But I'm wary. I've tried so many things, and the one thing that holds true, no matter whether we're talking exercise, vitamins, drugs, diet, is that there will be unexpected results, not all of them pleasant. You can't tinker with something as basic as hormones and not get a cascade of reaction. Which isn't to say I refuse to try anything ever again, it's just that I spend a lot more time judiciously weighing the evidence before I go dashing off to the store.

I'll add tribulis terrestris to my investigative list. Also on that list are low-dose naltrexone and glutathione precursors. We'll see how it goes.

And now we interrupt this message for a rant aimed at the fear and distress caused by the drug companies who spend billions of dollars every year marketing drugs that may or many not work to people, for example people with MS, who might feel desperate.

I recently came across a press release from the NMSS (another MS non-profit whose focus is raising money to find a cure for MS--me, I don't think there's going to be a cure anytime soon, but they're learning good stuff while they research, so why not try?). It annoyed me. It was about Clay Walker, a country singer with MS:

Walker will continue working toward his two key objectives in 2005: to help people understand the importance of drug therapy in proactively managing MS, and to be a driving force in the fight to find a cure by helping to raise funds for research through his Band Against MS(SM) Foundation and partnerships with organizations such as the National MS Society. Of the approximately 400,000 Americans living with MS, almost half of those eligible for therapy are not taking advantage of medical advancements in treatment. That fact is what prompted Walker to step from the sidelines. He takes a daily injection to manage his MS and has seen the benefits of treatment first hand. He has been in remission since he began daily therapy four years ago. Walker wants to encourage others living with MS to find a treatment that works for them because today's therapies are the best weapon available until there is a cure.

Now, I've nothing against Walker. I've never met him. I've nothing against the NMSS. (They use statistics rather politically, but, hey, we all do that sometimes.) But I'm beginning to get pissed off with the drug companies. This is PR bullshit.

As far as I know, the only "daily injection to manage MS" is Copaxone. The Lancet just published a Cochrane review of Copaxone (glatiramer acetate) and concluded:

"Glatiramer acetate did not show any beneficial effect on the main outcome measures in MS, i.e. disease progression, and it does not substantially affect the risk of clinical relapses. Therefore its routine use in clinical practice is not currently supported. More investigations are needed. Further research should also develop more reliable measures of patient disability over time and include quality of life among primary outcomes."

(A Cochrane review is a systematic review of published data, for example of various drug trials. It is self-consciously disinterested, that is, not connected to drug companies in any way.)

The drug companies keep churning out this disingenuous crap about how people with MS *must* use drugs to "manage their disease," and people with MS get scared. I certainly know that I tried Copaxone for a year, against my better judgement, after persistent nagging by my neurologist, because I was worried I might be being irresponsible by not using it. But it made me sick. So I stopped. But neurologists all over the world are still pushing this drug on people. It costs about ten thousand dollars a year. It's painful. And it doesn't work. It's one big fucking boondoggle. And I'm tired of it.

Okay. End of rant.

From: Joy Martinello (joyearth@aol.com)

How about this for a bit of Seattle strangeness...

I took out this science fiction book at the Ballard library about a woman who was raised by a corporation on an island, the Hope of Ko---you know the tale--and I thought to myself, "What an intelligently written, compelling story! And how often do I see a partnered relationship between women that is so healthy and positive? Hmmm."

The following week, having read no other books in between, I went to the University District Library where I proceeded to take out a science fiction book quite innocently from the New Titles shelf about a wealthy young woman, kidnapped, working in a bioremediation plant--you know the tale. And wouldn't you know that this book also painted a remarkably healthy and rich portrait of a woman who is attracted to other women?

And then I proceeded to read the back flap "lives with her partner, writer Kelley Eskridge..."

What are the odds of this happening?

So, inspired by this truly extraordinary coincidence, I thought I should write to you both, as I live in Seattle, to see if you can point me to a women's Science Fiction Writers' Group. I would love to connect with some worldly, inspired, visionary, female SF writers!

I'm working on a SF novel about people who can be in two times/places at once, and attempts to heal ecological damage via the Mayan Calendar's predicted end of time in 2012.

Let me know if you can help and what to make of all of this synchronicity. It could be that my intuition is simply becoming more rarefied as I dig into my own truth and consequences! Best wishes, and thank you to you and Kelley for your wonderful, poetic, truly moving novels!

The first thing you should do is show up at my signing at University Bookstore (University Way NE) on December 15th. (I don't have the details to hand, but will post them closer to the date.) I'll be there with a couple of dozen other local SF writers do the annual mass-signing of gift books for the holidays.

The second thing you should do is track down an online group called Broad Universe: a feminist SF/F email list for writers and readers (but mostly, from what I can gather, writers). And the third thing is to go to a Vanguard party, which are held one Saturday a month at various SF writers/readers houses. (You can find out more about this if you show up at UBooks [grin].)

From: Judith (Judith@beneathseas.com)

I agree with you about Xena fanfic for the most part. But, once in a while you find a real gem. I'm wondering if the story you liked was 'Something I Need' by Rooks. It's a short story about Gabrielle's need to sometimes take the power and control in their sexual relationship. It was removed from the net a few years ago. If you're interested, I have a copy I can send you.

Another possibility is the short story 'Live to Tell' by Danae. You can find it at ausxip.com/fanfic/livetotell.html

I am a tremendous fan of your writing and can't wait for the next book.

BTW, I have an idea who could play Aud. A lean buffed out Charlize Theron. She studied ballet most of her life and can probably move any way she needs to.

Stay well and write fast, wouldja.

"Live to Tell" is definitely not the story I read. The story I read was so powerfully written that it didn't need a twist, didn't need that sting in the tail. The entire thing was the point. Rooks. Hmmn. That name sounds familiar. Yes, please do send it--as long as you have reason to believe the author wouldn't mind. If s/he took it off the web, it was probably for a reason and I would want to respect that.

As for writing fast, I'd delighted to announce that I've finished a draft of the new Aud novel, tentatively titled Always. I'll have to do some rewriting, of course, but I'm pretty pleased with it. And, of course, with life now that I can take a breath and look around. (I find, for example, that sometime in the last month all the leaves fell off the tree in front of our house. When the hell did that happen??) I'm hoping to get the time to have a bit of fun before the rewriting starts.